
A couple struggle with family’s odd estrangement
Dear Abby: I’m a gay man. My husband and I have been together almost nine years, married less than one. Seven years ago, my mother-in-law decided I was no longer “allowed” to speak to her or her family. When my husband asked her why, she was unable to give him a clear answer but insists it has nothing to do with us being gay. Anytime my husband mentions my name or the life we have together, she changes the subject. I offered to write her a letter, but my husband doesn’t think it would be a good idea. He used to be close to his family, but with each passing year the relationship becomes more strained. My mother-in-law followed a similar pattern when my brother-in-law married his wife. When they had their first child, my MIL’s behavior did a 180 and she welcomed them into the family. Now that we’re married, my husband and I have begun the process of adopting from the foster care system. I assume my in-laws will want a relationship with their grandchildren, but I don’t know if I can let go of how they’ve treated us. The strain has been especially tough on my husband. At times, it almost broke us up. I would value a relationship with my in-laws, but as things stand, I wouldn’t want them around our future children. What can we do to improve this relationship before kids come into our lives?